Ag you know… its chilled vibes! :)
OK, no bullshit, I love it. It’s all I have. You see? It was a warm summer afternoon, when the little voice in my head said to me: “I can’t believe you did this to us!!” Such scorn in his tone, I think he might have spat on the floor. Anyway, I never really knew what he was talking about, after all, it was twenty ten, a very important moment in history, I had no time to be crazy. Sitting here however, it becomes very clear. I have been a traitor and this is my punishment. Ugh.
Clearly I’m no longer talking about blogging. So the reason this question is wrong, is because it’s judgmental. Not the question but the notion of blogging not being an art form or whatever. I’ve been hearing the slander about it, and I’m all like whatever. I have a good reason. I remember exactly the moment I decided to go down this weird path. Last year, my roommates and I were on to something, at least I thought we were. At that altitude everything sounds like a good idea, you know? Ja, so I had wireless internet, right, and we were fucking around on this website with funny pictures, and we saw this one picture of a Facebook thread. This girl decided to declare her vegetarianism or whatever, and an epidemic of comments broke out, and it was so funny I swear we laughed for like an hour. Her friends were so classy with counter arguments on why she shouldn’t go down that road. Then others defended her honor, but with such wit, og, I’m still impressed. We decided to try out something similar. OK, the next part is boring –opened a few groups, talked nothing but shit for a while, then we talked good shit, poetry and theories and what not, blah blah- It got old pretty fast… for them. :)
I continued, and flooded Facebook like a motherfucker, I’m sure some of you remember. It was ugly. Facebook almost banned me, well they did kind of, they said ‘stop it or else’. I don’t think I stopped, but I stumbled upon Blogger, and I was like, awe.. always wanted to say something dumb like ‘I have a blog’. And so it began. The questionz were born. #ATWQ
Now, as you can see, the start of ATWQ is pretty shaky, and nobody really knows what the fuck’s going on. Well, like I said, there was elevation involved, and those were the stages where things were a little out of control. The thing about getting high is sometimes you forget that you’re acrophobic. And you do dumb shit. I’m proud to say that this is one of them. I also do believe that it does me good, though. You know how sometimes you get like a brilliant thought, and two days later you wish you had written it down. Blogging fills that feeling for me. At least now it does. When I started, I was just like F the Illuminati. #occupy nigga!! What what?! Lol..
Anyway, I only started feeling liberated by it a few days ago. I mean 2000+ people have read it. 3000+ if I include the page views from my other blogs. That feeds my ego a bit, but that’s not why I’m still at it. I was reflecting... finding myself as they say and I looked back and I realized I am being punished. I’m tortured on the inside and I can never really know why. That voice in my head from two years ago hated me for something I did. I have a pretty good theory:
I think I’m still a little mad at myself for not pursuing a career in the arts. I mean if I look at myself, I’m weirdly talented in so many of the art forms out there; I draw, I rap, I dance (pop), I write, I design… I really could have branched into any of those, but ja shit happens, like living in a country with shitty job opportunities. There is no funding for the arts. So I thought architecture, I’m mos also a smart guy. Wasn’t as easy to get into as I thought, maybe if I put more effort into those damn portfolios. Then of course civil engineering was next. And so here we are.
Ag maybe I’m mad because I succumbed to the ways of the world, fell into the very system I was supposed to be fighting. You know, go to school, go to college, get a good job, find a good wife, make nice kids, leave a ‘legacy’ and die like a boss. I suppose somewhere along the line I thought I could change the world, even just a little. Also I think the voice is mad that I stopped trying or that I no longer adhere to the original plan. And this must be the punishment.
My offense was quitting on my initial dreams, and thus I am sentenced to six years of tertiary education, pretentious friends (duh, not all of them), being broke, and a lifetime of being a robot. Blogging is my way of staying off the streets and avoiding getting raped in this hell hole. :D
Not that I’m not grateful for the opportunity to ‘better’ myself, I am… it’s just… Ag I knew you wouldn’t understand!!